I love you man.

There's this saying around jiu-jitsu gyms that "It's only gay if you make eye contact." Now I won't get into the sexualization of grappling (for more on that subject, ask the Greeks and Romans). But I think the joke is interesting because it points out, albeit it in a homophobic manner, something crucial about the martial arts- love. Calm down. Breathe. Yes, I'm talking about love and jiu-jitsu in the same sentence without resorting to adolescent gay jokes. You can make fun of it all you want, but the truth is that martial arts pulls together a myriad of people from vastly different backgrounds and builds them into a community, a family. Like many families it's strange, rather sadistic, and yes there's that one uncle we don't talk about, but in the end, loving in it's own way.

Still, it's probably a good idea to remember what Sensei Erik Paulsen says about the North-South grappling position: "Some people call this position the sixty-nine. We, do not."

Here are some of my martial arts family photos.

Do not hug the Judoka.

Why? Because they have this instinctive reaction to grab onto your arm, hurl you over their hip, and slam you onto the floor. Then your ass is harai goshied and sore and you look up at them whimpering "I only wanted a hug!" They will yell, "Liar!" and they will be mostly right.

Make sure that the mace really does have the training canister in before you practice spraying it into your friend's face.

If you train with and carry weapons, you must be mindful of where and when you have them on you. No knives in bed is a good policy.

When given the choice to grapple with the sturdy sixteen year-old girl, or the skinny college guy, opt for the college guy. The college guy will take it easier on you, and let you retain some of your dignity. Tess "the Terminator" will not.

Do not give the physical training instructor ideas. It is never appropriate to ask, How much does that weigh? How far? or How long?

Friends share. They share techniques, books, notes, water, stories, laughs, beer. They do not share ringworm. Put medical tape over it before coming into contact with anything or anyone at your gym. Wash your gear frequently and bathe as soon after training as you can. You do not want to be That Guy.

Be very, very cautious when you hear the phrase, "Come here I want to show you something."